What in the World?!

(this might be a little raw, folks. It's something on my heart. Very little editing is going to happen)

Tuesday evening my BFF told me that a 12 year old in our city had stabbed a 9 year old at a park, and the 9 year old had died.

He stabbed a stranger. With a knife. Repeatedly.

An innocent 9 year old. Playing at a park.

A 12 year old.

What possessed him to do such a thing? Such an evil act. At 12 years old.

If you pause to think about any of it, it is way overwhelming.

I mean OVERWHELMING.

Despair. Fear.

Brokenness for the innocent victim and his family. Brokenness for a 12 year old so off track that he would perpetrate such evil and pain.

I think about my kids. What if this happened to one of my kids? The pain of that scenario is unbelievable. Yet that is what a family is facing this week.

And then, this boy. This broken boy. What is his life like? His family like? That this would even cross his mind? What evil has been perpetrated upon him?

And parks. Parks. Play grounds. With your kids or without. It makes you want to shelter your kids even more. To protect them. To box them up until they are no longer defenseless. Which sounds good, but is totally not feasible.

It takes my breath away.

We have turned a blind eye to so much evil in our society. We have knowingly or unknowingly exposed our kids to graphic and violent video games and movies, television shows and song lyrics.

The line has become blurred between good and evil, real and surreal.

I fear there is no simple answer. No black and white solution.

No answer-except for Jesus Christ.

The Prince of Peace. The Sun of Righteousness risen with healing in His wings. The Light of the World. My Hope. My Shield and My Protector.

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

The Thing About Cracks

Last week I pulled up my green bean plants, weeded the garden patch, re-marked the rows, and planted a new batch of seeds. Beans plants will keep producing until the frost, but generally, the subsequent blossoms after the first are not as abundant. More blossoms equals more beans, and vise-versa.

So, I decided that since my beans were early this year, I could replant after the first blossoms did their thing, and get another good crop of beans well before frost.

I am back to watering my patch of dirt, and watching with bated breath for new plants.

Have you ever noticed that before the seeds spring above ground into tiny plants, the dirt cracks?

Maybe it is the mole(s) that are reigning freely in my yard. But, I am pretty sure it is also the seeds doing their work.

Cracks in the garden are a sign that something is happening down below-even when I can't see that something yet. (be it moles or seeds)

Cracked glass is a decorating style. A thing of brokenness becomes a thing of beauty.

Cracks in a fertilized and incubated egg means a baby chick is about to appear.

Cracks in sidewalks reveal where the trees are flexing their roots. Searching for water and stability and nutrients.

Cracks in plaster means that your house is a house. It moves with life. It isn't (necessarily) falling down around you ears.

Cracks in dishes mean they are used. They aren't just sitting on a shelf.

An empty cicada shell always has a crack in the center, and that crack is a sign of growth. Outgrown skin left behind. Same bug emerges from the shell-only bigger.

Cracks indicate life and movement and growth.

I've got cracks.

Cracks in my facade of perfection and strength and togetherness. Cracks in my relationships. Cracks in my heart.

Cracks show vulnerability, but not necessarily weakness. Cracks can indicate where repair is needed. Some glue, some shoring up, some time.

Cracks show growth and stretching. Sometimes the cracks show where I've become inflexible like old rubber. Cracks point out where I need softening.

And the thing about cracks is that often even when they are repaired, they are still visible. Your cracks are showing...

But, not all cracks are meant to be repaired. Cracks often need to be left for good to come out. That something that won't pop through as long as we stay whole.

Because, often Christ's glory shines best through our cracks. (2 Corinthians 4:7)

Where are your cracks showing?

Choose Gratitude

All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he that is of a merry heart has a continual feast. (Proverbs 15:15)

I read this verse for maybe the thousandth time yesterday. I read the margin for the first time yesterday. 

Afflicted could be better translated from Hebrew as miserable or depressed. Merry could be translated good or cheerful.

Nut-shelled, this verse means that a miserable person always finds something to be miserable and complaining about. A cheerful person always sees the positive in a situation. Even in famine, they enjoy a feast.

And we all know people in both groups. The always complaining people. The always silver lining people. And we all know who we'd rather be around. (if you are unsure, I give you a hint. It's not the complainer.)

It boils down to perspective. Pessimistic or optimistic. Grateful or complaining. Hope endlessly springs anew or not.

And it often boils down to choice. 

I tend to lean a bit more towards miserable (and it looks miserable just typing that). I'd like to tell myself that I am a realist. I see things pretty black and white. Which can be a good thing-for business. Not such a great thing when it comes to people.

I tend to get a bit complain-y (read, a lot complain-y) about people. People who are stuck in their ways. Who refuse to change. Who aren't like wonderful old me. (snort) People who are not loyal or just. People who are partial with impunity.

I get bogged down in the negative. I struggle to forgive. I despair of change.

And then I read a verse like this one, and I remember some things I've forgotten.

#1-I am responsible for my actions and my attitudes. I am accountable to God for my actions and attitudes. I can chose attitudes of joy, forgiveness, hope and gratitude. I am not responsible for other's attitudes and actions.

#2-God is bigger than me and annoying people and circumstances in my life. Yeah, I forget that on a regular basis. When I start to get really negative, I hear the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear, "have you prayed about that? Really prayed about that?" 

Sometimes God changes circumstances and people because we pray. Almost always God changes me when I pray. Because when I pray it is a letting go of my attitude. My need to be in control. My need for vindication or justification. It involves opening my hands and heart for God to work. In me. 

It's all in the perspective. 

When I allow my heart to be changed by God from miserable to cheerful, I can see the good in people and circumstances. I can praise God in the good things and the bad. I can be filled with hope that this is not the end of the story.

So, today, my feast includes....

my family, my friends, my church family, freedom to worship in public, new and old hymns, opportunities to serve God, experiences and wisdom of others that they generously share with me, coffee, M&M's, I Love Lucy re-runs, good books, my blog, She Plans Dinner, big trees to sit under in my yard, cool summer days and nights, my bike (and my bike repair people)...

source
I saw these on Pinterest. They are thankful list pumpkins. I am going to do these this fall!

Would others consider you a miserable person or a cheerful person? How do you need to change your perspective?

A Recipe: Beef and Mushroom Ragu

It has been one of those weeks when I have had a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the mornings.

Monday I was disciplined. I got up at 4:45 and swam a half mile so slow I'm surprised I didn't drown.  I decided enough was enough and headed home to my comfy bed. For another 2 hours.

Tuesday I didn't even try. Beyond kicking Mr. Hippie out of bed at 5:30 to make the coffee, and sipping a few gulps of said coffee around 6:00. I'm pretty good at drinking coffee with my eyes closed. But, I gave it up after less than half a cup, and tucked back in until almost 8. Oh, and I was a bad influence on Mr. Hippie, because he went back to sleep too.

Wednesday...I am pretty sure I got up on Wednesday. Not at 4:45 to swim. I got up at 4:45 to turn my alarm off. I got up a little after 6 to drink coffee, and miracle or miracles-I actually stayed awake.

Thursday was another 6:00 wake up call. And I stayed awake. And I was so glad I did. I took off on a long bike ride just after 7:00, and saw 3 deer in a field not too far from my house. One even had antlers. So cool.

my recipe here

I am not sure what has knocked my socks off. Maybe it is the cooler weather. Maybe it is all the training I had been doing (before I slacked off this week. Instead of 2-3 discipline days, I've only done 1 each day.) Maybe it was the wedding on Saturday. We did food stuff for 9 hours straight. Whew!

I started and finished Eleanor and Park this week. I know this is a cult favorite, but I can't say it was a personal favorite. There was a fair amount of language in it, which is not my thing. Plus, the story didn't really have a happy ending or even a conclusive ending. I don't like books that the ending just kind of meanders off. Personal preference.

It has been a great bread baking week! I made French Bread, regular bread and Pita bread. (those are three separate links there, to my favorite bread recipes) Today I need to refill my cookie jar. I am waffling between ginger snaps and chocolate chip cookies.

Did I mention that we picked 48# of blueberries this week? In only 1-1/2 hours. It was good picking. We have had blueberry coffee cake, and handfuls of fresh blueberries, plus I made a double batch of jam. Gorgeous!

Well, in the cooler weather I am also thinking of cooler foods. This beef ragu is a recipe I tried several weeks ago. It looks fussy with lots of ingredients and steps, but in truth it is very easy. And the end product is fantastic. A rich beef broth, chock full of mushrooms and beef and vegetables. Oh.so.good!

I am actually considering making this recipe for the Sunday lunch of our church campout in October. If I serve the noodles and parmesan separate (or not at all), it fits most diets-unless you are vegetarian. Then it doesn't exactly work for you. But, dairy-free and gluten-free-I've got you covered!

Beef and Mushroom Ragu
3 tablespoons olive oil
1-1/2 pound beef chuck, cut into 1-inch pieces
kosher salt and black pepper
1 large onion, chopped
3 carrots, chopped
6 garlic cloves, smashed
1-1/2 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary
1-1/2 tablespoon tomato paste
3 cups low-sodium chicken broth
2 (15 oz) can crushed tomatoes
1 pound assorted mushrooms (such as button, cremini, and shiitake), sliced
16 ounces pappardelle or fettuccine or extra wide egg noodles
3/4 cup grated Parmesan (3 oz), plus more for serving

-Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large saucepan or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Season
the beef with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper and cook, turning occasionally, until
browned on all sides, 3 to 5 minutes. Transfer to a plate.

-Heat the remaining tablespoon of oil in the saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the onion,
carrots, garlic, rosemary, and 1/4 teaspoon each salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally,
until softened, 6 to 8 minutes. Add the tomato paste and cook, stirring, until slightly darkened,
about 1 minute more.

-Return the beef to the saucepan and add the chicken broth and tomatoes. Simmer, covered,
stirring occasionally, until the beef is fork-tender, 60 to 75 minutes.

-Add the mushrooms to the saucepan and cook, covered, stirring occasionally, until tender, 10 to
12 minutes more. If the sauce is too thin, simmer, uncovered, until thickened to the desired
consistency.

-Meanwhile, cook the pasta according to the package directions; drain and return it to the pot.
Add the beef ragù and Parmesan and toss. Serve with additional Parmesan.

Doesn't that look fantastic?! You might want to bookmark this recipe for September!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Ode to Summer

Oh let it never end...

Well, I guess that doesn't exactly sum up my feelings about summer. I do want it to end. When it is supposed to end. Officially on September 20th, and unofficially on September 2.

But not before.

I am all for living in and embracing the current season. Not wishing for the next one. (The exception to the rule would be winter to spring. I start hoping for spring about January 1.) I will do minimal planning, if necessary, but that is about it. (My school books are ordered and my curriculum is set. It is all ready for me, when I am ready for it. I've planned a trip to Spain in February, but I am not stewing more over it right now. I'll leave that dreaming and planning for later.)

My dreams and posts and Pinterest boards are not filled with sweaters and boots and scarves and apple cider and donuts and soups and school supplies.

I'm still in the throws of salads and grilling, shorts and bathing suits, naps and beaches and outdoor concerts.

Maybe it is because I am a home school mom, and thus my kids are with me 24/7/365, but the start of school is not something I am counting down the days to in excitement.

School doesn't mean freedom for me. It means teaching schoolwork for hours everyday. It means less time for running and biking and swimming. It means more schedule. And more nonnegotiable scheduled activities.

I do look forward to the start of school for the basic fact that I am excited about our module for Friday school. (Ancient history before Alexander the Great)

Fall means crisper temperatures (love), but it also means shorter days. Which I really don't like. I like light. From 5:30 in the morning until 10:00 at night. I feel myself withering as the darkness gets longer and the days get shorter. The best thing about Christmas is that the days start getting longer from then on out.

Fall really is my favorite season. It has been for a long time.

But, I am not wishing for fall. I am loving summer. I am enjoying reading tons of books. I think I have read at least a novel a week for the past 6-7 weeks.

On Tuesday evenings in during the summer, our family attends an outdoor concert series. We meet up with the BFF and her family, bring a picnic and listen to great (or sometimes mediocre) music. Last night Freckles was counting up the remaining concerts (2), and said with a sigh, "that means summer is almost over."

I get you, bud!

But, while it may be almost over, we still have an entire summer month to live. To live in the present. To not worry about the changes or schedule of fall. To not overly and eagerly anticipate the changes or schedule of fall.

An entire month to stay up late reading books. To catch fireflies and swim in lakes. To be bored and to rest. To celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. To can tomatoes and peaches. To just be.

What will you do (or not do) to really live in summer this last month of summer 2014?

Annoying Discrimination

I learned something new yesterday.

In turns out that my sister in law and I get our oil changed at the same place. And we both have used the same place for a couple years.

I found that surprisingly surprising.

I mean, I know we live across the street from each other (so it isn't in the realm of impossibility that we'd use the same place), but we also both pass at least four oil change places to get to the one we use.

Why do neither of us use one of those four oil change places?

Well, this is the surprising thing. We both use the same oil change place for the very same reason. They don't discriminate against women. 

I'm not talking about only Men's Health and Car magazines in the waiting room, ESPN on the screens and filthy restrooms.

I'm talking about much more subtle discrimination.

At this particular place they don't treat me like I am mechanically ignorant because I'm a woman. They have never tried to up sell me on anything because I am a woman and I don't really know if this car situation is an emergency or not.

The flushes. The high mileage oil. The air filters. The wipers.

The one hundred and one other radical problems' fixes that they couldn't in good conscience allow me out the door without performing. Your brand new car is practically a death trap careening through the roadways, did you know?!

In (way too many) garages, women=pushovers. Easy, emotional sells.

If you are a woman, chances are you know exactly what I mean.

If you are a man, chances are you may know what I mean, but you most likely haven't experienced it.

I've asked my husband if he ever gets pressured in the oil garage. Nope. Do they try to sell him on _____ or ______? Nope. Did they tell you you are likely to explode your engine because you haven't changed the air filter since last month? No and no and no!

I've been with him in the oil garage and I don't hear the squeeze.

Men won't take it. Men see through the crap.

So, after blatant discrimination again and again at various places, I've refused. I refuse to be treated like an ignorant bimbo with fuzz between my ears who will believe any catastrophic theories about my vehicle.

(I mean, if I can string a sentence like THAT together, why do they think they can pull one over on me?)

Does this look like a girl to be trifled with? I don't think so...

I will not subject myself to poor treatment. That's rather masochistic.

Not.my.thing.

I've taken my business elsewhere. I've taken my business to a place that shows integrity in service-whether you are a man or a women.

Loyalty is my thing. Quality service is my thing. If you treat me well, I will be your loyal customer for life. I will send others your way. My frugal self will even pay more for good service.

This discrimination-it isn't painful or life altering. It is annoying. And it makes for great blog post fodder.

As a woman, have you ever conscientiously taken your business somewhere that they treat you with dignity and integrity? 

A New Season of Parenting

I've mentioned here before that I feel old. I think it isn't my age so much that is bothering me, but my kids' age. Because, seriously, I feel about in my prime. My strongest. My 30's have been good to me. I'm a mean and lean fighting machine. Or not.

But, what is getting me is not my 30's but my kids' adolescence. I have two boys on the cusp on teenage-hood. And that is weird.

I no longer have a child in diapers. Meres is almost 100% potty trained. (she still wears a pull up at night) I'm not nursing. I don't have to cut up food super small or schedule life around naps. I'm loving it!

I can actually relax a bit at the beach and enjoy myself. Because, yes, I am a former life guard, so I'm a super watchful at the pool/beach kind of mom. (I have nightmares of my kids drowning) There is no napping or book reading for me.

At least, not until this summer. (and I'm still not napping there) This year the boys are confident and skilled enough in the water to go out a ways, and not need to be constantly within arm's reach. LC is braver, but still doesn't venture far without an adult-which gives me a measure of peace. And Meres is just not a big water person. She loves going to the beach, but she hardly ventures into the water. She is a sand imbiber. Always has been.

I am enjoying the beach this summer. It isn't as stressful a situation for me. I can soak up the sound of the surf and let it sooth my soul. I can read. I can sit in a chair next to Meres and know she is going to be fine.

My parenting is entering a whole new stage, and that has evident at more than the beach this summer.

The boys have outgrown children's areas. They aren't interested in splashing in fountains and playing in the sand. They aren't mesmerized by swinging and parks and slides. Magic shows and such are below them. And BMV, entering junior high in the fall, is even too old for most DVBS's.

My boys are growing up.

We are walking new paths of different interests, plus increased privileges balanced with increased responsibility. Their boundaries are stretching. They bike the half mile loop of our neighborhood without supervision. They like miniature golf and they finally are decent at it. They play board games and read and amuse themselves. They don't need watched 24/7 to make sure they aren't in danger.

Girls are still in the friends' category. (PTL!) No one is anywhere near driving. Their biggest obsession is still legos, followed by Mine Craft, and then Star Wars. Well, maybe their biggest obsession is any area where these three interests converge.

But, it is a definite stirring nonetheless. And I find myself navigating these new waters a bit gingerly. The gawk-wardness, and the fun. The little men in front of me, as well as the little girls.

'Cause Meres and LC are thoroughly still little girls. They are still into little kid stuff. Dolls and snuggles. Story times and children's gardens.

New interests, new activities, new seasons. Still balanced with old interests, activities and seasons. This parenting season is more like early spring or early fall than summer or winter. It is seeable changes, but nothing drastic as yet. Still the warm/cold temps of the past season, but with the visible feel, look (and even smells) of the new.

Are you still solely parenting little kids, or are your kids adolescents, teenagers or beyond? If so, what nutshell of wisdom would you share with me?