Wednesday, March 19, 2014


I snuck away Saturday for some mental health time...

I have had a lot of time to myself lately. And I have also done a lot of brain work lately. Which translates to a lot of time by myself working. Work that is moving me forward in a lot of ways towards my dream. Work that is also very technical and is (for me) draining.

When I am having a "work day", I am doing just that-working. Planning menus and grocery lists. Writing automatic emails. Preparing taxes. Doing accounts for insurance audits. Reading up on WP and behind the scene site details. I often work for 6-7 hours straight. I get home and feel like I have run a (half) marathon. My brain is tired. I'm done. (my hat is off to all working mothers. Wow!)

I have been stealing working moments between checking school work and I have often been working during my regular daily writing times.

Between starting a new business, writing for 31 days (and feeling like I said everything I could possibly say) and then dealing with personal stuff (and feeling like my words have been taken away because this water is deep), my writing has taken the back burner.

I miss it.

Saturday I took the opportunity to go away and not work, but write. I read poetry and then I wrote. I ate brownies and bread and drank coffee and wrote. I wrote my heart. I wrote poetry. I wrote for myself. I wrote for you. I wrote (I pray) for God's glory.

Sometimes we can get lost in the hustle and bustle. Lost in the seasons. Lost in the heartache. Just lost.

Vulnerable. Fragile. Exposed.

"Your bravery will not ease your pain." (Thor, the movie) I sometimes feel as if people view me as the strong one. The brave one. The one who doesn't need help. But, that strength and bravery have not eased my pain. It hasn't made this past month any easier.

"In returning and rest shall ye be saved, in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength." (Isaiah 30:15)

Now is the time to listen. To be still. To breathe. To wait. To feed. To heal. To rest.

That verse ends with "but you refused." 

That makes me hummmph...

I don't want to refuse God's salvation and strength. I am clinging. My hormone-whacked, over-thinking, over-caffeinated self, often resists the quietness of God. I try hard to muddle through somehow. I hustle and bustle, stress and plan, escape.

Which isn't sustainable.

But this is...

Return. Rest. Quiet. Confidence. Salvation. Strength.