Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Hormonal? Who's Hormonal?

(All my male readers, do yourself, and me, a favor-and give this post a pass. Thanks!)

There are days. And then there are days.

There are days like yesterday. So sunshiny and bright, sunglasses were necessary. I baked bread and cookies, and wrote, and did school, and got some cleaning done, and made a delicious dinner for my family, and did triathlon training. Productive and wonderful.

And then there is today. It is grey and sleeting. Sleeting on the semi melted snow. I got up to run, and managed a poor 3 of my 4 miles. I did go 4, but I probably walked most of one. I am tired. I am cold. I am hungry. Well-not really hungry, just in a munching mood.

I'm blue. Through and through.

I have so many post ideas that I want to write. Happy posts. Normal posts. But I just can't get my mood around them.

All I want to do is bury myself in my thick duvet, and not come out until tomorrow.

This post in brought to you by Hormones...can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em.


Way back, years ago-in my teen and early 20s, I use to scoff at the girls who were confined to bed with PMS. Get real, girls! Way back in my ignorant years. Before bearing 4 kids. I am so sorry. I really and truly am.

Those were the days. The days of mild cramps, and mild mood swings. Inconvenient, but not life altering. Not by a long shot.

But, one thing that never seems to make the What to Expect When You are Expecting (and forever after) is how your body is never the same again after having a child. And I'm talking about a whole lot more than baby bellies, flat feet, saggy boobs, and stretch marks.

How about those hormones? Swingin', people! Absolutely swingin'!

I've learned the finer nuances of PMS-the pre part. As a harbinger of good things to come, I have had night sweats for a couple nights prior to my period starting-since after Freckles. I am not talking about just "stick a leg out of the covers because you are a little warm" kind. I'm talking, full-on, soaking wet sheets. Like someone dumped some water in there. Or peed the bed. Yeah. That pleasant.

And emotionally, well, I am pull my hair out crazy feeling. Seriously. My scalp tingles. Jittery. On edge. Easily offended. And, last month I was stranded in Jakarta, with out a dollar, and with out a friend, not knowing a lick of Bahasa Indonesian- at that point of the month. It was not a good combo, people. Let me tell you. Small life hiccups make me feel like I am going to lose it. Like I am a potential candidate for our local mental institution.

Yes, this calm and collected, organized, and has everything all together Barefoot Hippie Girl, is certifiably crazy once a month.

And then we actually get into the MS part of PMS, and that's no picnic either. How about that perineum? That part of me that got stretch 4 times, to release a child. Yeah, I can feel those 4 times very nicely each month, thank you very much! I ache so bad I can barely stand, let alone walk. I spend most of my first day fortified with a double dose of ibuprofen sitting cross legged whenever possible.

Nor do I think it coincidence that the 2 hardest years of our marriage corresponded with both the girls' first years. With LC I tacked it up to our 7th year. 7th year itch and all that. With Meres I was a bit wiser. But, I didn't fully realized how much I was swinging all year, until after I was done nursing. Then things finally leveled out a bit.

Today I am in a funk. I am hormonal. I fought with the person I love most in the world. I am exhausted, and my mood matches the grey of the sleet hitting my bedroom windows.

I would love to write a cheery post. But, I can't. I am an emotional wreck. My heart is sore.

I am so thankful that the sun will come out tomorrow. That tomorrow is another day. A fresh start. 

And I am so thankful for unconditional love. The love of God, and the love of a good man.

Just as a side note, I do take NKO everyday, and multi vitamins, which have greatly helped me. They keep me functional, and able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So, though I experience this every month, it really is just temporary-every month.