Thursday, July 5, 2012

I Give Up!

Well, we are recovering in the aftermath of a holiday.
soaking up The Blues
And, what a holiday!
The Hippie family took off for the Great Lake fairly early yesterday morning. We spent hours on the beach splashing, floating, digging, soaking up too much sun, and in some cases-eating sand. I don't know about Meres. I mean, she would lay down on the sand, and then put her face right in it, and either lick it or just take a bite. Can someone have a sand deficiency? I don't know. But, her diapers are going to be unholy today.
chewing on her balloon string
sharing sorbet
I wore my new bathing suit. Yes, I went bathing suit shopping on Tuesday. I have my suit for lap swimming, but just haven't been thrilled with my hanging out suit. I tried on probably 10 different suits. Abstract prints, polka dots, solids. V-neck, halters, and straps with a rounded neck line. I ended up with a solid brown suit, with some tucks. I like the roundish neckline, and the straps feel secure. I just am not comfortable with half my chest hanging out, or with the possibility of a wardrobe malfunction. As I was trying on suits, the thoughts going through my mind were, "do I want to spend hours at the beach in this suit with my brothers? Does this look okay, or am I fooling myself into thinking I will like it better later?" I went with one I felt comfortable in. One I thought was ascetically pleasing. One that is probably as flattering as possible to this mama of four body. Because no matter how many crunches I do, or miles I run and swim, I still have a baby belly.
embrace the camera link up
Pics with your kids is the goal-my photographer-aka Mr. Hippie-
caught Freckles plus the top of N's head
We all came home pinkish red. (Or lobster red in some cases) We had grilled chicken, watermelon, bruschetta and baked beans for dinner. We lit off a few fire works, and are saving the rest for tonight. There were multiple meltdowns happening, and we figured it would be in everyone's best interest just to wait. I was in bed by 10:30, and could see our city's display through the trees out my bedroom window. Win-win.=)
So, its Thursday, and I am evaluating "Giving up Good" or just "Giving Up."
I know, I have harped on this church thing a few times, but I am seriously at the end of my rope. And I don't know what to do.
To recap-my church meets in a very small building. It is actually a converted one room school house. What has been crammed into this building is two bathrooms, a kitchen, and an office/nursery. The leftover space is where we hold our meetings. The nursery is in a back corner, and measures about 10x10-if that. It contains a desk, a cabinet, a port-a-crib, two office style chairs, another chair, plus (currently) 3 boxes of dishes. I keep clearing things out, and others keep putting things back. But, does this sound like a "nursery?" I don't think so. It is not child proof nor child conducive. There are no toys.  It is supposed to be one size fits all for nursing babies, sleeping babies, playing toddlers, crying babies, oh, and Sunday School too.
I'm not joking.
Here is my frustration...
I am bringing Meres to church. She just turned one. ONE. She is active. She is learning to walk and talk. But, for 3 hours every Sunday, she is supposed to sit quietly on my lap. Not talk, not move. Secondly, church takes place during nap time. Every week. Meres gets into a nap rhythm for the week. Whatever the pattern is-2 naps, 1 nap, mid-morning, whatever-naptime always falls during church time. And it always gets screwed up by church on Sunday, and we then have to find a new rhythm for the new week. So, in addition to an active, noisy baby, I am dealing with a tired baby.
What do I do with this tired, active, noisy baby? Do I take her in to the nursery where there are no toys for her to play with, but there is plenty of junk that I have to keep her out of?  That means I don't hear anything that is going on at church. I am not singing or praying or hearing the Scripture being read. I am just watching my baby.
Do I try to keep her sitting quiet on my lap? Do I let her crawl around in our aisle, but pop up and down when she is venturing too far? (by the way, the more she is crawling around, the quieter she is-she just has the propensity for getting into books and such, that she shouldn't be into because she tries to eat them.)
Do I try to put this sleepy child down for a nap? Well, last week that was a disaster. She screamed and screamed. And, I can't blame her. Regulated to a foreign bed, in a strange place. Left by yourself. I'd scream too.
And, I gave up. I left church. I was done.
Is God pleased that I am at church, and my baby is screaming her heart out? But, at least we are there?
What worship is happening on my end? Not much. My attitude stinks. I am wound tighter than a top. Is this the best thing? Is it even a GOOD thing?
Someone told me recently that they didn't take their kids to church until they were three years old. I thought that was insightful. At three, they can be expected to sit for a while. To participate. At one I think it is a stretch.
My other problem with this whole scenario is far more selfish, but just as annoying. I spend most of two services in the nursery, and then I teach SS during the third period. So, when do I get fed? When do I get to worship?
Frankly, I found it far more peaceful when I got home on Sunday. I put Meres in her bed. (incidentally, I put a blanket on her, and gave her Wishbone-and she was asleep immediately. She didn't move. I had to wake her up over two hours later to pick up everyone else from church.) And I could read my Bible. I could enjoy the quiet. Soak up the peace. Let God speak to my heart.
this is what I am talking about, she is out-out
What is the better path? Staying home is better for Meres and I in a lot of ways. Stress free. But no fellowship.
LC with Uncle D
I am debating and praying over this. Should I give up church for a few weeks? Even the rest of the summer? And try again in the fall? That would definitely be giving up the good. Church is a good thing. We are commanded in Hebrews 10 to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together.
No-up from TX
Just a side note, God gets us in our points of pride. I remember looking at young moms from my youthful, before kids perspective, and feeling all condemning that they weren't at church. Now I understand. And I am so sorry I was a self righteous prick.
playing with the bubble wands
the "twins"
some cousins digging in the sand
Have I said recently that parenting isn't for sissies?=) It is for dependents. Parenting has cast me upon God and His enabling grace, like nothing else in my life. And this is just church attendance I am talking about here.
all the "Hippie" cousins save one. Miss you Jay.
they kept trading glasses, and Meres kept stealing N's.
Which is consequently why they share hand, foot and mouth
two weeks ago.
Good, better, best...that is still the question.

*how about you, how do you deal with the whole church/baby thing? I'd love to hear your thoughts. I know I am not the only one facing this issue.