As I sit here I am overwhelmed by the silence and the noise.
The silence of some bloggers showing their solidarity and compassion for the Sandy Hook families by not writing.
The abundance of news, blogs, status updates and tweets about Sandy hook. The noise. Everyone contributing their two cents.
The whys and the wherefores.
And I have nothing to add that hasn't been said. I'm just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the sadness and heartache and evil in our world.
Overwhelmed by this huge tragedy, and the little tragedies that are being faced in each of our lives. Recent death, broken hearts, pain.
Overwhelmed and thinking, "God, I just can't take much more." I can't bear the pain of the hurting. I can't hold the pieces of the broken. I can't deal with another problem.
I have no answers.
I think in times of sorrow we seek answers. Why did this happen? With answers we hope for closure.
We can assign guilt by casting recriminations. We can absolve ourselves by accusing others.
They should/shouldn't have. Why did/didn't I?
When my sister in law died, I watched the news clip online. And then I made the huge mistake of reading the comments. The comments people left were asinine.
Comments posted from self righteous perches. Forgetting that in the moment we all react instinctively, not necessarily the way we have been taught.
Comments that ignored the fact that this was a wife, mother, sister, daughter, niece, that died. That our lives have a gaping huge hole. Forgetting this isn't just news, but lives.
Everyone had an answer. A reason.
We seek answers, but the answers aren't really ones we want to hear. We want reasons, but reasons don't make the situation any better.
The reasons are Sin. Sinners. Death. The Devil. The ruler of this world is Satan. And he revels in death and destruction.
We think the answers lie in more regulations and laws (or less). In silence or noise.
But truly, there is only one answer. And that answer is God. And I don't say that tritely. My heart is overwhelmed with too many things right now to be trite.
This I recall to mind, therefore I have hope:
It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: Great is Thy Faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23
No reasons...but hope. Hope founded in God. That's what I have. That's all I have.