Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Raw and Clinging

I have to do this. It's Barefoot Hippie Girl unedited. Because right now, my heart is bleeding.

Writing is the outlet for my heart. And you are getting the raw right now.

My sil died in a car crash yesterday morning. She slowed or swerved to miss a deer and was rear ended by a car behind her.

She is gone.

She is with her Savior.

I totally am at peace with that.

But I grieve. I sorrow.

As Christians, we tend to read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, and focus on the "sorrow not." But that isn't what it says. It says, "as those who have no hope."

We know death is not the end for a believer. But it doesn't mean that a death doesn't leave a huge gulf in our lives. A place where there was a vibrant person who is no longer with us.

A gulf where there was a wife, and mother. A sister, a daughter. A niece, a friend.

And so we sorrow. Tears come and you wonder if you will ever stop crying.

I am trying to be strong for my husband, and love on him. And my heart is breaking too.

I've shared this hymn before. It is my rock right now. It is based on passages from Isaiah and it is truth. I am clinging...clinging.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

This is my other prayer...
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
-St. Francis of Assisi

I appreciate all the prayers going up on our behalf. And for the notes. It is painful to read FB right now. My home page is inundated with heart and grief. If I am absent for a few days, just remember,

I'm clinging to the Rock that is higher than I.